Bless this house I live in, Lord the
one that I call home
the people here who really care a family all my own
Bless the little children
who snuggle me to sleep
their gentle eyes so sweet and wise
that laugh and sometimes weep
Bless the mistress of this home a
wife and loving mother
she always brings doggie bags to me, there is no other
Bless the master, good and kind he
calls me his best friend
But, oh, the names they give us, Lord "Killer?" "Boom
Boom?" "Ben?"
No one will ever know
how I stopped to catch my breath
the day they saw me at the pound
as I faced certain death
I love my little family
They're all the world to me
You'd have to be a dog to know
how lucky I am, me
A faithful dog will play with you
and laugh with you, or cry
He'll gladly starve to stay with you
and never reason why
And when you're feeling out of sorts
somehow he'll understand
He'll watch you with those shining eyes
and try to lick your hand
His blind, implicit faith to you
is matched only by his love
the kind that all of us should have
in the spirit up above
When everything is said and done
it isn't really odd
because when you spell 'dog' backwards
you find the name of God
Mind Games Dogs Play With Humans...
After your humans give you a bath, DON'T LET THEM TOWEL DRY YOU! Instead, run to their bed, jump up and dry yourself off on the sheets. This is especially good if it's right before your human's bedtime.
Act like a convicted criminal. When the humans come home, put your ears back, tail between your legs, chin down and act as if you have done something really bad. Then, watch as the humans frantically search the house for the damage they think you have caused. (Note: This only works when you have done absolutely nothing wrong.)
Let the humans teach you a brand new trick. Learn it perfectly.
When the humans try to demonstrate it to someone else, stare blankly back at the humans. Pretend you have no idea what they're talking about.
Make your humans be patient. When you go outside to go 'pee', sniff around the entire yard as your humans wait. Act as if the spot you choose to go pee will ultimately decide the fate of the earth.
Draw attention to the human. When out for a walk always pick the busiest, most visible spot to go 'poo.' Take your time and make sure everyone watches. This works particularly well if your humans have forgotten to bring a plastic bag.
When out for a walk, alternate between choking and coughing every time a strange human walks by.
Make your own rules. Don't always bring back the stick when playing fetch with the humans. Make them go and chase it once in a while.
Hide from your humans. When your humans come home, don't greet them at the door. Instead, hide from them, and make them think something terrible has happened to you. (Don't reappear until one of your humans is panic-stricken and close to tears).
When your human calls you to come back in, always take your time. Walk as slowly as possible back to the door.
Wake up twenty minutes before the alarm clock is set to go off and make the humans take you out for your morning pee. As soon as you get back inside, fall asleep.
Doggie Humor:
LEASH:
A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your people where you want them to go.
DOG BED:
Any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.
DROOL:
Is what you do when your persons have food and you don't. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps.
SNIFF:
A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your nose as close as you can to the other dog's rear end and inhale deeply, repeat several times, or until your person makes you stop. This can also be done to human's crotches.
GARBAGE CAN:
A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and moldy crusts of bread.
BICYCLES:
Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards; the person then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.
DEAFNESS:
This is a malady which affects dogs when their person wants them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then running in the opposite direction, or lying down.
THUNDER:
This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly, and following at their heels.
WASTEBASKET:
This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old candy wrappers. When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the papers all over the house until your person comes home.
SOFAS:
Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating it is polite to run up and down the front of the sofa and wipe your whiskers clean.
BATH:
This is a process by which the humans drench the floor, walls and themselves. You can help by shaking vigorously and frequently.
BUMP:
The best way to get your human's attention when they are drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea.
GOOSE BUMP:
A maneuver to use as a last resort when the Regular Bump doesn't get the attention you require..... especially effective when combined with The Sniff. See above.
LOVE:
Is a feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail. If you're lucky, a human will love you in return. If not, you can always sniff their crotches.
A Greyhound Prays
Today is one for joy and play, for I am in a home to stay.
I was chosen...you wanted me, you are the one...
You heard my plea. For this I thank our god above,
my life is now complete with love. Today begins a brand new start,
full of thanks, and glad of heart. No longer is my spirit cold,
in loving care... My life you hold.
No longer will I cringe in fright, I know I shall be safe this night.
Tomorrow dawns a bright new day, I shall be running this time for play.
10 Things A Dog Ask Of It's People
1. My life is likely to last 10-15 years. Any separation from you will be painful for me. Remember that before you adopt me.
2. Give me time to understand what you want from me.
3. Place your trust in me... it's crucial for my well being.
4. Don't be angry at me for long, and don't lock me up as a punishment. You have your work, your entertainment and your friends. I have only you.
5. Talk to me sometimes. Even if I don't understand your words, I understand your voice when it's speaking to me.
6. Be aware of how you treat me. Would you want to be treated the same way?
7. Remember before you hit me I have teeth that could crush the bones in your hand, but I choose not to bite you.
8. Before you scold me for being 'uncooperative', 'obstinate' or 'lazy' ask your self if something might be bothering me. Perhaps I'm not feeling well or not getting the right food, or I've been out in the sun to long, or my heart is getting old and weak.
9. Take care of me when I grow old: you too, will grow old and need special care.
10. Go with me on a difficult journey. Never say "I can't bear to watch it" or "Let it happen in my absence". Everything is easier when you are there.